Yesterday's Staff Meeting

Circulating stacks update. We won't call it "weeding" anymore. Must remember. I have lost myself. These voices hurt me. I have so much to do. I will get it done. I have fear. I fear disappointing others. I fear the thoughts of others. Do their thoughts touch? I convince myself that I know what they're thinking. Cynthia thinks I am a waste of time. Debra thinks I don't look very smart. Lisa can't believe all the stuff I don't know. Jennifer knows I am useless to her and therefore useless to the world. Rebecca is afraid of me. She doesn't understand that I like her. Charles is unconcerned with my existence. David knows I am an idiot. He knows I don't like to be made fun of. Fred pretends. Debbie knows I am lazy. She envies my laziness, and it makes her angry. Savitiri doesn't trust me. Peggy from ILL doesn't like for me to look at her. Virginia sees that I take many things for granted. Jocelyn knows, in spite of her urging, that I will never get very far in life. JoEllen is afraid that my strange religion will jump on her and keep her from saying the "F" word. I want her to like me so much. She cannot. It is too much for any person. Lori knows that i know nothing, that I understand nothing. She knows I'm a fake. She would never want me to get too close. Kendria thinks I am weak. I have born no child. Bridget sees that religion was wrapped around me. I did not choose it for myself. Janet doesn't like my voice. Steve thinks my hair is connected to God. He doesn't like to make eye contact. He thinks I can see that he hates God. Peggy Sue wants me to stay away. Her sandwich is none of my business. Greg can't wait for me to leave. Linda thinks I talk about myself too much. Sue thinks I'm ugly. She hates my clothes. Karen thinks I know her secret. Lilliean wouldn't mind if I died. Marvin feels sorry for me. Lili thinks I'm an entirely different person. Sonya suspects I will never amount to anything. Peggy Lee trusts me but dislikes me. Katie knows I am beneath her. She thinks I should have nothing nice. She thinks I should be without happiness. Dyana hates me. I have not heard a word of this meeting. July. In July, my life will be better but only because more of it will be behind me. I have so much to do. Will I ever be done? Is that what life is? A huge string of deadlines. Do they speak to each other of these thoughts they have about me? Do they nod to each other when I pass by? When will I feel good? When will this be over? No prayer. I guess we're done.