What if...

What if I'm doing so well--singing blue skies--just so failure will hurt more?

How will I pay for my sins? I have a husband. I have a best friend. I have a treasured child in my life. A true brother. A loving father. These five people mean more to me than anything. Will my sins hurt them? Is that how it works?

Crazy Roy says some people lose a child because of their sins or get sick. He says that we should all be glad that we have our own cross and not someone else's.

I wish I knew what to expect.

But that would be cheating. I would get better health insurance. I wouldn't have kids if they were going to die.

The sins of the fathers.

Does it work that way with mothers, too? Will I pay for my grandmother's sins? Will I know? Will my child pay for the destruction my mother has caused?

I can see it in my mind. She is holding the child. She is smiling, almost crying. She is pleased. Finally, I have done something worthwhile. I have birthed a perfect curve of flesh to lie on a cold stone and be sacrificed for her lies.

There will be no one to pay for my sins. I will do it myself.